Gaining freedom of my dreams

About 25 years ago I had interesting mental problems.  Interesting that they only seemed to affect me in dreams or half-sleep and interesting that they were very much like the endless squirrel cage circle that R D Laing wrote about in his book Knots.   Not sure how that book was referred to me but I read a lot back then because there was no Internet.  I read also because I couldn't sleep much because of these dreams.   Being sleep deprived for over a year is not a fun experience. 

I think the reason these dreams were so disturbing was they were guilt ridden but I was never given a reason to feel guilty or a solution to the problem.   No definded offence to feel guilty for and no hints at a solution led me to appreciate what I read in Laing's book Knots.   Continued reading and combined with the 'teachings' of J. Krishnamurti who I read endlessly and met years before ... I somehow decided I was playing a game with myself and didn't need to do it.  Within a very short period of time it was over

I have conflict in my personal real life but my dreams are only somewhere betwen sweet and interesting

About Laing

Laing never denied the existence of mental illness, but viewed it in a radically different light from his contemporaries. For Laing, mental illness could be a transformative episode whereby the process of undergoing mental distress was compared to a shamanic journey. The traveler could return from the journey with (supposedly) important insights, and may have become (in the views of Laing and his followers) a wiser and more grounded person as a result.

Two of his excerpts from Knots
They are playing a game.
They are playing at not playing a game.
If I show them I see they are,
I shall break the rules and they will punish me.
I must play their game, of not seeing  I see the game.

I am doing it
the it I am doing is
the I that is doing it
the I that is doing it is
the it I am doing
it is doing the I that am doing it
I am being done by the it I am doing
it is doing it
One is afraid of
the self that is afraid of
the self that is afraid of
the self that is afraid
One may perhaps speak of reflections